Thursday, November 8, 2007 9:02 PM
Surgical blade knife pressing against my heart!!
I think I will flunk tomorrow paper as I really no mood to study. I really don’t know what happen to me. I’m thinking of you very moment and I just can’t control myself to stop thinking of you. God, can you tell me what to do about it. I’m really in the end of my wits. I really hate this life I’m leading currently. But I really don’t know what to do. Every time I see you, I just can’t control myself of focusing on you. When you ignore me and you know how I felt? You definitely don’t know how I felt as you ever want to focus on me like before. I understand that you don’t wish to get attach currently but can you don’t ignore me. I never ever ask anything in return, I just want you to treat me like before. Can you do it? Since the day I met you, I already know you have mess up with my life. No matter how bad are you, I just like you. So you don’t have to waste your time to tell me how bad are you as I just can’t bear to listen you say any bad thing about yourselves.
Yesterday I was tipsy or maybe drunk as I drank quite a lot. Yesterday when I just reached plush and I saw you but you never talk to me. That why I went out of the plush with my friend to drink. I still can ask another of my guy friend to treat me drink. After that, we went back to plush; I drank one full cup of pure vodka without any mixture. At that moment, I really very tipsy and I can’t walk properly. And when I really need you by my side, you are not here for me. In the end, my friend left me with her friend and she went dancing with my other friend. I sat there lonely and feeling high. At that moment, I really need you yet you are dancing in the dance floor. Then who are the ones that take care of me? That is your friend. He is the one took me to ladies to vomit. He never went into the ladies but waited outside for me. At times I feel a surgical blade knife pressing against my heart, running it deep down. The pain is unbearable. You still can asked me how come I drank till so drunk. I drank a lot to make myself drunk is because of you as I can’t bear to see the way you are treating me yesterday night. Your friend asked me I drank a lot is it because of you. I don’t deny it. it is really because of you, that why I drank a lot and hoping you will take care of me but you didn’t. I don’t blame you but at least you should show concern toward me right? You know that I like you very much and you also like me but you just showing don’t care at all.
Today I just can’t concentrate on my studies and I confirm will flunk tomorrow paper. What to do? I have no idea either. My brain just can’t function properly as I only keep thinking about you.
No matter what happen, I’m always your guardian angel and nobody else. I am willing to sacrifice anything for you as I really like you very much. I really miss you a lot. Hope you will contact me like before. I MISS YOU (******)! I am here waiting for you!! =’(((